If it's really really quiet you are already too late.
Stating "stay out of that room" is actually an open invitation to enter.
A helium balloon in the house will ALWAYS end up in the ceiling fan.
If it has a spring in it, the kids will jump on it.
There will never be enough seats to choose from in a vehicle. Arguing about where to sit is as necessary as buckling the seat belt.
If you happen to make it into the bathroom without a kid following you, there is a good chance you will be interrupted by someone ringing the doorbell. The likelihood increases if you are taking a crap.
"I cleaned up the closet/bedroom/mudroom" is code for "Mom, you might want to have a cocktail before you take a look at what I've done".
Asking why there is a pair of ginch on top of the cupboards is pretty much a pointless question.
If you are cleaning the bathroom and you feel a kid starting to play with your hair, chances are it is with the toilet brush.
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